My Journey

Panic Attack… Damm Birthdays

Ken — Sat, 25 Feb 2012 09:58:19 +0000

I am just starting to calm down from a full panic attack. In fact my heart is still racing so fast I am worried it might explode, but my breathing is calming down. The attack started after I woke up from a bad dream. Unlike most of the bad dreams I have in which I just kind of wake up and find it very hard to get back to sleep, this was more of a shock awaking.

The worse thing is that I don’t even remember what the bad dream was about, which now that I think about it maybe that is not a bad thing.

Another birthday gone…..

Ken — Sat, 25 Feb 2012 02:35:25 +0000

I just got home from my Birthday Party, okay not sure “party” is the word for it because no one showed up. It ended up being a dinner with just Jenny and Sonya, no kids, and no other friends. While I had a good time it was a bit of a tense evening, because Jenny and Sonya are in a bit of a fight right now. The worst thing is that the reason they are mad at each other is because each one thinks that the other is hurting me, what they can’t see is that they are both hurting me and both helping me.

I love them both very much, I love their kids as if they were my own, I hate myself!!!

Happy Birthday (Yeah right!!!)

Ken — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 14:30:19 +0000

Jenny and the kids just called to wish me a Happy Birthday and while it really did make me feel much better, and I am really glad that they called, the good feelings did not last long. The reality that I am 42, along, and don’t am finding very had to see a future for myself right now has killed any good happiness I had after the phone call.

Jenny is also trying to arrange a meetup tonight with a few of our friends, including her and her kids, Sonya and Clara, and a few of our friends from high school. While I really would love to spend time with all of them, I am kind of hoping that not may people show up. I am just not in for a celebration and may find it hard to put on a good face.

Still Feeling Weak, but it is improving.

Ken — Thu, 23 Feb 2012 04:13:40 +0000

I am still feeling week tonight after the mini-headache (micro seizure) I had earlier today. It has defiantly not been a very productive day.

I just had a one of my headaches (Micro Seizure?)

Ken — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 17:58:54 +0000

For many years I have been having mini-headaches that I have found very hard to describe to people. While I have had several doctors describe them has Micro Seizure that has never officially been diagnosed as a “seizure”. In fact doctors have no idea what they are.

Basically, what happens is that I get an extreme powerful headache right above the left side of my left eye. I normally describe it as a spike being driving in to my head. The headache itself last only a few seconds, but afterwords I am extreme disoriented, lightheaded, and feel like all of the energy is drained out of me. The disorientation, which often includes a little memory loss, is always temporary and normally clears in just a few minutes and any lost memory comes back soon after that. The lightheadedness lasts can last longer maybe even a few hours and the lack of energy can last the rest of the day. Sometimes, I can feel them coming on with a slight lightheadedness just before I have them, but most of the time the come one without an notice. I have also never had one while drive or doing a complex task.

While I have been having the mini-headaches for along time, they have not been bad for a few years. In the past I would have them several times a week or even a day and they were at an extreme level, but for the last few years they had dropped not only in quantity but also level of severeness. In fact I don’t think I have had one in months and the last ones I had were very mild with pain, no real disorientation.

Sadly though, the one I had today was really bad by far the worse I have had in many years. I was at grocery store in the self check out line and had just finished scanning everything when I had the headache. The pain was so bad that I stumbled a little stepping back several feet, but like the others only lasted a few seconds. The disorientation though also real bad, I could not remember why I was at the store, I could not remember my pin for the debit card to pay.

I have no idea on how long I was standing at the register, but it was long enough that the sale timed out and I had to start over when my head cleared a little. However, I am still feeling a little light headed, have no energy, and I have been home for about 45 minutes. I really need to find out what this is!!!

Tooth is improving, but feeling real sick this morning.

Ken — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 12:39:51 +0000

My mouth is still hurting today, but the pain is different and I have not need to take any pain meds. However, it is still bleeding a little and has been all night. I am also feeling really nauseous which … Continue reading →

Home from Dentist

Ken — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 23:05:23 +0000

I am home from the Dentist and really need to get back to work on my homework, but I am starting to pain again and lots of blood. I have never had this much blood from having a tooth removed.

Dental Surgery 2.0, Part 3 (Déjà vu)

Ken — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 22:48:16 +0000

IT IS OUT!!!!!

Wow this guy was good, he was able to do an enhanced extraction and had it out in no time!!!

Dental Surgery 2.0, Part 2 (Déjà vu)

Ken — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 21:05:07 +0000

Wow this is going a lot quicker than I thought it would. Doctor just completed prep work and I am already feeling more numb that I did last week.

While he has only done a quick look, at this point he think that he will be able to remove do the surgical extraction using only the local. Wow is my mouth getting numb quick.

On a sidenote I really loved this chair. It was the most comfortable chair I have ever sat in. I would replace my bed with it if I could.

Dental Surgery 2.0, Part 1 (Déjà vu)

Ken — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 20:30:38 +0000

On the way over to the dentists office. I am very nervous quickly on the way to extremely nervous. Pain is bad, but something I could deal wit for a while even with out the pain meds.